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abuse, anxiety, appreciation, bpd, child abuse, childhood mental health, Compassion, coping, counselling, Counsellor, creative writing, Creativity, depression, dissociation, emotional wellbeing, Flashbacks, hope, Listening, memories, mental health, mental illness, paranoia, pct, Psychologist, psychology, psychosis, ptsd, Rape, recovery, self harm, sexual abuse, stress, suicidal, survivor, talking therapy, therapies, therapy, trauma
I’ve been having counselling since the beginning of this year. I was feeling apprehensive and nervous and fearful and scared. I wanted to go through with it but at the same time I was scared I was going to feel vulnerable and exposed to a complete stranger.
I was met by a woman who came across very warm and compassionate. She reassured me there was no pressure and that we go at my pace.
I was surprised with myself how soon I warmed to her and how soon I opened up to her about some of my experiences both past and present. I felt naked and exposed. Ashamed, guilty, like a freak, stupid, embarrassed, but you know what she put me at ease and told me I didn’t need to feel these things; that she wasn’t judging me and that it was the people who had abused me that should feel this way.
I have cried several times in counselling, something I’ve NEVER done in therapy. I’ve been myself with her and although at times I know I’ve pushed her away, I know I’ve let her in on my journey and into my life and revealed some of my darkest sordist secrets. Things that people who’ve known me for many years don’t even know.
My counsellor is kind hearted, caring, compassionate, warm, gentle, empathic, genuine, supportive, good at listening, honest, trustworthy, understanding, soothing, non judgmental, intelligent, funny and has a beautiful soul.
I feel honoured to have her supporting me. She is 100% dedicated to working through my issues with me.
If I have the courage to show her this. Thank you for everything and for believing me and for being a part of my journey.
For anyone considering counselling or therapy, you have nothing to lose. If you don’t gel with your therapist, talk it through, if that doesn’t work try another one. Talking things through does help. It’s better out than in!
UPDATE……After I wrote this, a couple of weeks later, my counsellor announced she is leaving in a few weeks time. I had let her read this.
Devastated is an understatement!!