I had person centred counselling for just over a year. It’s just finished this week (09/02/16) due to my counsellor being unable to continue at the centre anymore as she’s studying and going on new placements.
I wanted to write this blog to reflect on my experiences and to let people know what to expect from counselling.
I have had face to face counselling and other therapies in the past but not felt able to open up or its only been very short term and not allowed me enough time to build up rapport and trust with the therapist/counsellor or I’ve felt too ashamed and not at ease.
The reason I sought out this counselling was that for many years, I’ve been sat in the “client’s” chair and passed from pillar to post and told various professionals aspects of my life, I knew what I needed and I knew that I was the best assessor of my own needs.
I knew I was ready to face these demons but I knew I was going to feel anxious about the counsellor, whether we’d gel and if we did, how it would go and would I have the courage to talk in a face to face setting; differently to me being silent, looking away, not turning up to sessions or not engaging with the therapy/counselling.
I knew I’d feel ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, like I was being a burden to the counsellor and like she’d find it disturbing what I was opening up about my experiences, however, I told myself that she would be prepared for what I would bring into the session.
I went into my first session and I was nervous, I did feel anxious, I did need reassurance, I did ask questions and I did feel scared.
But I know that’s natural, it’s nerve wracking taking your driving test or going for a job interview or taking an exam so sitting in a counselling session with a stranger provokes the same feelings inside and causes anxiety, fear and uncertainty.
The counsellor put my mind at ease and answered my questions. She told me there was no rush and that she wasn’t going to think badly of me or judge me and that she’ll always talk to me about everything and if she does have concerns about me, she’ll talk to me about it before discussing it with her supervisor.
That’s the good thing about counselling, it’s confidential and non judgmental.
The counsellor always listened to me, didn’t pressurise me to talk, was very patient, was super caring, warm and kind, didn’t seem freaked out by my emotions, thoughts or experiences, didn’t judge me, didn’t think badly of me or that I was dirty and the way in which she responded to me has made it easier for me to talk about it in the future.
Counselling isn’t about the counsellor giving advice or making suggestions, it’s about listening, giving you time to explore your experiences and painful experiences if that’s why you go to counselling and allowing you space to work through these experiences with the counsellor in a safe environment because ultimately, you are able to make your own decisions and take control of your own life and you are in control, and you have all the answers within yourself.
I learnt about techniques for dissociation such as using your senses – spraying perfume for smell, someone or me rubbing my arm, or feeling the chair or what I’m sat in – touch, looking at things around me which I can see – sight. These things are to bring me back into the present moment.
I also learnt a good technique for dealing with anger and frustration – which involves writing things that are bothering me on paper and ripping it into shreds and screwing it up.
I was able to share my fears, memories, experiences, mental health, physical health, abuse and how I deal with it.
The counsellor was amazing and it helped me enormously as I know I have began the process of unraveling the knots!!
I will be eternally grateful to the counsellor and I will miss her a lot.
Saying goodbye is hard but as my saying goes goodbye for now but not forever!!
If you ever read this remember how amazing you are and I will never forget you!
I will make you proud of me one day – you’ll see!
you are one in a million and a shining star!!!
Thanks for being there for me!!
Useful Links
http://www.childline.org – 0800 1111 – open 24/7 – free
http://www.samaritans.org – 116 123 – open 24/7 – free
http://www.getconnected.org.uk
http://napac.org.uk/contact-us/